Friday Reflections #3: A Healing Cocktail
An update & what I foraged for my healing "cocktail"
The Updates
I had to check last week’s article to see if this week was really as long as it felt. And it was!
Some things have happened. As more family matters unfold, I’m reminded once again of our mortality.
I’m also officially going on my first cruise next month?! Florida to depart (haven’t been to Florida since I was around 3. My mom loved how pretty Pensacola was; she said I thought the sand was snow because it was so sparkly and white), then to the Bahamas. A total of 3 days for the cruise part.
I looked up the right ship (I think) on YouTube, and it’s HUGE.
I’m nervous! Especially because I just learned that I’ll probably be starting my cycle the first day of the cruise. 🙃
Otherwise, making sure I have everything I need (especially considering my cycle) and am properly prepared has me a little on edge.
I’d love to hear any tips you have for going on a cruise! What should I pack? How should I prepare? Best resources? Let me know (PLEASE and thank you).
I also went on a deleting spree and deleted a bunch of apps, website tabs, and even Instagram off my phone (I spent at least 30 minutes trying to deactivate my account and gave up).
It feels good! I haven’t checked it, and I checked Facebook maybe once.
Oh, and Wednesday my childhood church held a memorial service for members who passed away in 2022. We submitted my mom’s information for it. It was nice! I wrote about it in my notes app as well as my observations around family telling me they missed going to church…. And how I felt about the talks around going back to church.
I’ll post about that some other time.
Reflecting on the past, for the future
Just yesterday I got a liiiiittle anxious about my future again.
I was watching a gamer’s vlog and she talked about how she actually liked her corporate job. She was being compensated well, she loved the people she was working with, she was paying off loans and paying rent and everything, etc.
And it made me wonder if getting a job would be best for me.
It’s not a new thought; I’ve been reflecting on why I wanted to start a business in the first place back when I became a caregiver for my mom.
I had just graduated college and got a rejection letter for a fellowship to teach in South Korea after I graduated. I knew I’d be at home and unable to really leave the house consistently (or much at all) and wanted to feel purposeful and like I had control over my life by having finances to have control over.
Cue discovering that normal everyday people created blogs around their interests and got paid to do so!
And that’s where it started.
It led down a path where I tried all sorts of business ventures including front-end development, but it was difficult to work around someone else’s constantly fluctuating schedule.
And now I’m here. At a completely different dynamic of my life exploring what it is I really want out of life. And I dunno yet; I feel like I’m learning new things about myself every week though.
I’ve also grown a little anxious about my family’s mortality since mom died so I sometimes have a little voice remind me that I’d be starting at the bottom financially with nearly a decade of a work gap and never having worked a full-time job before… if something happened to my dad.
The devastation of losing him, and truly being thrown into fending for myself for the first time terrifies me if I linger on it too much.
But I’m overshadowing those morbid thoughts with the belief that he’ll live for sooo many more decades, and that I can give myself at least this indefinite stint to explore and figure things out. See what I like and where I land as I actively learn who I am,
Cause this new flavor of despair (that’s luckily hitting less often!) vividly makes it known that I’d better find something that makes life worthwhile or else… why stick around??
So I’m allowing myself to be less societally “practical” at this time, and just explore and learn who I am without having my mom’s influence constantly around me.
I’ll consider this the gap year I was never allowed to have.
I’ll probably explain more in-depth what this exploratory journey has looked like in another post, because I truly feel like my whole life reset after mom passed (even healing modalities I used to easily rely on have felt foreign and overwhelming to me).
All I knew when I actively started this journey was that I couldn’t start with anything that taught you to follow your desires cause I had NO. CLUE. what I liked anymore (besides writing of course).
The “Cocktail”
Anyway, here’s a little rundown on what I did discover I needed to move forward on this journey. A little healing cocktail where I foraged for its ingredients during this explorative period.
It’s been doing my body goood… and it’s alcohol-free!
The cocktail that’s carried me so far includes:
Cycle syncing - This essentially is adapting your lifestyle to work with your monthly cycle, including what you eat, what activities you do, and even the types of exercises you do. I’ve found it helpful for allowing my days to flow as they may.
Reparenting - I’ve kinda talked about this before in past writings, but basically working on being mindful of how I talk to myself, and giving myself the things I felt I needed from a parent has actually been nice. Helps me learn to rely on myself more.
Inner child healing - Goes along with the “reparenting” work. I’ve started to really listen to what I need and want rather than dismiss it. I think learning how to trust myself again will be a big part of this journey.
Unshaming (anything that includes “witnessing”) - I told you about David’s work around Unshaming the other week and it’s still in my head as I find meditations and other works that talk about witnessing your shame/hurt/guilt to really understand yourself. I watched some of David’s videos this week and this one was really eye-opening around this work.
Yoga/movement (especially with breath work) - Something told me that I needed more movement in my life. I feel like I need to move through my feelings—I think it’s called somatic work. Yoga with Adriene had a yoga video that included breath work and I loved that even more! A few days ago I learned she had a 30-day Breath challenge, so I’ve started that!
Re-working and experimenting with Jamie Varon’s work - Same course I started at the beginning of the month. I decided to re-work the intentional practices I thought I wanted to do, and it’s nice to know it’s expected that you’ll need to edit and explore some more. Otherwise, I haven’t moved any further in the course, but am having fun refining my daily/weekly intentions! And I’m still reading her book (affiliate link); her last chapters so far are really resonating with me and helps supplement her course.
How to Do the Work book - I think this book (affiliate) was the first thing that helped me find direction toward a lot of what’s listed above. I tried listening to the audiobook back in 2021 and didn’t even finish it. It’s hitting differently now. There’s been a few parts I remember letting my mom listen to, to see if she’d take it in for healing work. But I’m so happy I revisited it.
Okay! I’ve been on a writing spree lately! So I’d like to know which piece you’d like to read next. The structure and style may be a bit different after these exploratory March update posts, so I wanna start that off by learning which one seems more interesting to read first.
Alright, see you next week! Support the newsletter by subscribing, sharing, or becoming a paid subby. Or even buying me a matcha is appreciated.
If you’ve been on a cruise, let me know anything you’d tell a first-timer in the comments! (Please! Halp!)
If you have nothing to add to the cruising conversation, fill me in on one of these:
What are your hobbies?
Do you like my drawing for this week’s piece?
I’ve been on a non-fiction kick but what would you recommend for a good fiction read?
And finally… are you pro daylight savings time? Or not? (Or do you need to be filled in on what it is?)
See ya in the comments/next week!