You ever been ashamed of your birthday?
This is a little darker than your typical aging insecurities...
A brisk knock jolted our otherwise sleepy household this past Sunday.
And as we stumbled around trying to grab masks, and slide our bare feet into a pair of old outdoor shoes, my dad saw a foil balloon through the window and slowed down.
“Ah, wrong house. Whoever it was had balloons.”
But another set of knocks came, so my dad masked up to help redirect them.
A quiet, thick Spanish accent muffled by the front door mumbled words I couldn’t understand until I heard, “Cierra.”
From behind the door, my dad pulled in a large colorful burst of flowers with a “Happy Birthday” balloon hovering on top, and a note attached from a good friend who lives out of state.
I took pictures of his surprise to send in a text along with a huge thank you, and took a few more photos to capture the huge pink lilies nestled about and…
That was it. I kept them to myself and didn’t bring any attention to them, or the reason I got them.
I actually didn’t announce anywhere that it was my birthday, and it was the second year in a row I found it unnecessary to acknowledge my birthday.
But I didn’t even consciously realize I was avoiding my birthday until I logged onto Instagram and saw a post that shone a light on my shadow.
Introducing: The Celebration Queen
On the 9th, I popped onto IG and was met with a vibrant blur of pictures moving through my coach’s 30th year of life.
She was reflecting and celebrating all that the past year brought her:
Big money wins
Quitting vaping
Witnessing friends get married
Going camping
And more!
She’s such an advocate for celebrating E V E R Y T H I N G, so I immediately wondered if I had anything to celebrate from my 30th…
At the time, I couldn’t think of a thing. I think deep down I believed my birth wasn’t something worth acknowledging, and have told myself for at least 2 years now that I haven’t done enough to qualify celebrating my existence.
One of my biggest goals I’ve had for over half a decade has been to make a living wage.
And I cringe and struggle with being called a woman because I feel so much like a child due to my lack of milestones that usually mark your independence:
Moving out of your parents’ house.
Getting your driver's license1.
The obligatory photos of you standing in front of your new Honda Accord, or traveling to Tulum.
I mean, shouldn’t $1,000 in my account NOT be unfathomable anymore?
And I can count on two fingers how many times I’ve been left home alone, let alone lived on my own to “find myself.”
Similar downward spirals tend to come easier and more often, but seeing my coach practice what she preaches inspired me to do the same.
She literally teaches her community how to celebrate every freakin’ day, which helps shift your mindset and rewire old belief patterns that don’t serve you (like, said 31st birthday spiral).
But I’ve been slacking on the intentional work it takes to combat those ruminating thoughts and patterns.
It’s definitely caught up with me, so I’m ready to do damage control.
7 things I’m celebrating about my 30th year
After mulling it over2 (and looking through my Google Photos), I finally found some parts of my life to celebrate from the past year.
Less PMDD episodes!
Getting my appetite, interest, and love for food back after my Great Depression of December ‘21.
Getting through my Great Depression of December ‘21.
Beginning my personal tarot practice & speaking to God through it (the cards I pull are always mindblowing!).
Discovering birthday cake-flavored matcha.
Learning to trust myself so much that I no longer invest in programs, courses, and coaches with a “desperate need” energy.
Having multiple savings accounts that help me feel safe as I continue pursuing the life I desire!
You ever intentionally try to ignore your birthday? Do you have something you’re celebrating about your current year around the sun? Let’s chat about it.
It feels really good to be back on Substack writing; I’ll post again soon!
Laters!
Ali’s video about starting a newsletter was soooo validating for us fellow writers!
This Substack interview is one I’m tempted to print and place on top of my laptop to read each day before I get to work, I swear. (It’s linked, and down below cause I love Substack.)
This mini grow light’s3 cute, compact, automated, and keeping my red prayer plant sustained! It was getting leggy so I did my first propagation on Monday and am hoping it’ll be successful.
You wouldn’t believe the obstacles I’ve gone through when it comes to driving ever since I turned 15. Let me know if you’d want to hear my wild driving timeline in another week’s piece.
I’m gonna be honest, I had to sleep on this before I could think of one reason to celebrate my 30th year on this planet. But it also could be because it was 7:43 am and I needed to go to bed.
Don’t worry, it’s not an affiliate link. It’s 1 am and I still need to do the narration for this piece and tie up a few other things before scheduling, so it’s just a plain ol’ Amazon link!
Thank you for sharing this personal reflection! You are a brave person. Your journey and this post really moved something within me. I guess we struggle with the same things.
Wishing you all the best - this birthday and many more. Hope to read more!