Coffee Date Digest: June 2023
Sharing 17 summarized weeks of insights (PLEASE, jump around), prompts for the new month, and honorable mentions
Welcome to Losing Orbit’s Monthly Wrap-Up! A series where I summarize each month’s Friday Reflections for easy consumption, reflect on the month as a whole, share honorable mentions of things and/or thoughts that didn’t make the weekly reflections, and possibly prompts and behind-the-scenes looks if they’re flowing for the month!
This month’s Wrap-Up, we’re covering…
Every month’s Friday Reflection summarized up to this point (17! Whew!).
A reflection on June as a whole.
Prompts for the new month!
Despair, my asexuality, and a bittersweet pro of familial deaths
Honorable mentions such as:
A yoga duo I enjoyed
Guinea pigs eating watermelons
Invisible belts
And more!
Let’s get into it.
Honestly reflecting on the month…
Things have constantly been spotlighted for me around how much things have changed since mom died, and even more so after my grandpa passed four months later.
And I dunno if it’s bad to say this but… quite a few changes have been for the better.
Of course, not that I wished for anyone to die. It just feels like a “familial spell” was broken when losing both of them, and good things have happened and got to be experienced because of that.
Sometimes it takes earth-shattering devastation to create earth-shattering results.
Sometimes that’s good, other times it’s bad.
I’ve heard of families that fall apart after the death of a loved one. But I’m very blessed to say that our family didn’t necessarily grow “stronger” or “closer” because of the losses… it seemed to have freed us some.
My brother’s birthday was probably the top three best birthday experiences I’ve been a part of since I was a kid. Several events have happened where lovely memories were able to be made. And it was like… Life had to be shaken up in order to experience it just so.
It’s like shaking a snow globe and letting the snow settle, and it doing so in just the right place–things are really nice right now and I wish nothing else changed in our lives.
But life has both ups and downs. And I need to be prepared for that and realistic about it. So I’m trying to do so without getting sad about the unforseeable future…
It can be hard sometimes though. At the end of June, I started getting a bit despair-y again. I think about the future and wonder, “what’s the point? What should I ‘want’?”
Just seeing friends who have spent decades doing things by themselves, driving by themselves, getting married, in relationships… I cannot even fathom ever being like them like… Ever.
Therapy helped me REALLY see how jacked up I am now that mom’s been removed from my hip and I just… I just can’t imagine life turning out nice by myself right now.
And with Pride Month coming to a close, I (unhealthily) put my logic hat on and see all the ways I’ll probably never statistically meet someone great for me:
I’m heteromantic asexual with a low libido and honestly? Would prefer a sexless relationship… but would still want flirting and romance and affection
I legitimately look like I’m between 15-18 years old (strangers still ask me about high school)
Because of how young I’ve ALWAYS looked (I have SO. MANY. STORIES.), it would make me VERY leery of someone who looked my age actually approaching me
I’m childfree by choice and pray to remain that way forever and ever amen
I feel too behind in life to be bothered with the real world right now anyway.
And like… I dunno if I’m interested in a relationship down the line (I don’t think anytime soon cause I still got A LOT of ish to iron out and figure out about my own life) because it’ll be possibly be a prompt and push toward new life, new people, new city? Country? New perspectives, new experiences…
I act like I can’t do these things on my own. But maybe I dont’t know where to start and figure a partner could gently and lovingly help me with that.
No, this is my responsiblity.
Life is WILD. Who knows, someone may very well come along who’s cute, has zero interest in sex, but checks all the other boxes I need in a partner.
I’ll only know if I keep living, huh?
Yeah, you’re right.
Intentions for next month
Do you have any intentions for July?
I REALLY struggle to come up with my own prompts for any occasion, so I’m stumped on how others do it.
Do they just go to Pinterest and re-word some? Use ChatGPT for ideas, inspo, or borrowing word-for-word?
I suck at small talk and initiating conversation so shoutout to ChatGPT for helping me come up with some things to ask you because I love hearing from you and making this space more engaging.
Some prompts for the new month
What are three things you are grateful for from the previous month, and how can you carry that gratitude forward into July?
Reflect on your well-being before we settle into this new month. How can you make adjustments in the near future to create more pleasurable moments in your daily life?
Is there anything you can release from your schedule this upcoming month to make more space for what you’d rather spend your time doing?
What can you begin to release from your life this month?
Did you have any goals in June? Did you make any progress toward those goals? Reflect on what progress and what stumbling blocks you encountered last month. What went well, and what could you improve upon?
Feel free to comment on any of them down below, or take them for your own journaling pleasure!
Friday Reflections Recap
Since this is the first of its series, I decided to go over all the Friday Reflections up to this point. That’s 17!
So I’ll stop rambling and get right into it.
WEEK #1: The very first Friday Reflection was a vow to myself to spend a month just writing weekly as I explored mindfulness and tried to work through rough bouts of despair.
I shared why I cried with envy watching this vlog, this foundational course on intention and self-trust I always talk about, and how grieving my mom started to feel less like my identity and more like something folding into my life.
I also shared this illustration on folding in grief, how comforting it was to learn that my Saturn Return ended after my mom died (making it feel like it was all part of some bigger plan), how meeting new people sometimes is a flop, and having the epiphany that I don’t have to rush to make money… To escape anything anymore.
What would I do if money wasn’t an option? I finally realize I’m blessed with this opportunity and window of time now to figure that out.
WEEK #2: This week, I got super frustrated while trying to execute a video podcast. I thought that would be the answer: develop a YouTube community, do a simple sit-down video… But everything not only went wrong, but it just felt SUPER wrong. And I hated that!
The more I talked, the less energy I had toward the idea which–in the midst of climbing out of a dip into despair–was my only way out of feeling so aimless.
And it bummed. Me. OUT.
I stopped my intentional blueprint course because I felt so aimless and stuck, and discovered David and his amazing work on Unshaming (including this free webinar).
Also realized I watched too much YouTube and wasn’t doing enough to figure out what I wanted to do, and celebrated some lovely peeps buying me several matchas. Yay!
WEEK #3: I officially deleted Instagram from my phone! And did a digital cleanse. I also started questioning if getting a job was what I needed to do…?
Anxiety filled my mind as I kept remembering my mom’s death and some news about my own grandpa’s mortality hit us as well. Scary.
Then I shared a “healing cocktail I had been doing post-mom to try and feel a little less disconnected from my body):
Cycle-syncing
Reparenting
Inner child healing
Unshaming (and anything that has to do with witnessing that shame)
Yoga/breathwork/any movement, really
Re-working the Live with Intention course as I kept rediscovering myself
Listening to the How to Do the Work book
I announced that this was to be the last Friday Reflection of the experiment, but y’all loved it! So it’s kept going!
I mentioned that I felt a little more grounded that week, received my first paid subscriber and how much of a SHOCK it was(!!!), and was invited locally by a friend to host a writing class (I need to follow up with that! Ah!!).
Essentially, the essay was a smorgasbord of what I was up to lately including digital painting, trying to become a better personal essayist, preparing for a cruise the following month, and continuing to try to move my body in some way daily.
And trying to figure out how I wanted my schedule to play out daily and weekly.
The intention around April was to play, and learn how I wanted to show up in life and in my newsletter. It was around the time I realized I was going through this hard reset after mom died and wasn’t sure what I wanted anymore.
Human Design for me became a guiding light in my life again when it came to figuring out actions to take that were “designed” for me, and why things were playing out like they were.
I also shared that I was reading an advanced reader’s copy of Tough Titties (it wasn’t my cup of tea, but I see why people love it! If you want to experience nostalgia for 70s and 80s New York City, read about an ED experience and LOTS of BJs, and stories about how “laziness” can get you somewhere… this is your book!1).
I was also getting overwhelmed packing clothes for the cruise. Hate-shopping, and trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted.
Enough about this week; onto the next!
This was written on Wednesday because I was going on the cruise that Friday and my grandpa died Thursday… So it was an… interesting week.
I brought up my thoughts on how I feel it’s more important to capture little snippets of your life than to put the phone/camera away and just make memories… Because those memories will be forgotten in no time if you rely on your mind to remember every sweet moment!
This controversial take came after I realized (once again) that for over a decade, we really didn’t get pictures or video of mom because she didn’t wanna be seen. And now we have to rely on memory for everything, and a lot about my mom has begun to fade.
We also chatted about “expanders” (people who role model ways you desire to be in life) like this manifestation story, Old Navy biker short love, and Africa Brooke’s podcast episode on values.
I went on the cruise and I lost my grandpa 12 hours before then and talked about it this week.
Also shared, was noticing I was inheriting food loves my mom had like all the cake cones I ate on the ship (she was always getting McDonald’s cones mostly for the cone), and how I’ve gravitated toward elephant ears (my mom’s favorite) over funnel cakes when we go to the fair.
To really drive it home, I shared this Substack piece I had read a little while before about someone realizing they were doing something like their late father.
Lastly, I shared how I might be returning back to Instagram, and how this video made me reflect on my decision.
And my love for the 1 Second Everyday app. Memory catchers, unite!
This one could be viewed as a pout fest, haha.
We talked about taking a possible break from writing, developing a cajun smashed potato recipe, drawing tantrums, and desperately wanting to document my journey on YouTube or in some way but struggling to do so.
Aside from Friday Reflections, I took a two-week break from trying to force myself to churn out more for a deadline and mentioned it this week.
I was one subscriber away from hitting 50 subbies, had my first therapy session, and found the perfect drawing video to help me find my art style.
A second therapy session has happened, and I’m feeling more balanced and “enough” within my life embracing myself as a writer.
I hyped up this app and realized I was using daily for planning and time management (still true as I write this now!), the 1 Second Everyday app again, and the Horizon app for minimalistic and aesthetic vision boarding.
Got dangerously addicted to games, and proposed writing a game series where I created a lighthearted gossipy storyline through Stardew Valley (did two posts for that series and am planning to play with doing the same in a video instead now!).
And, I shared two cosmic/astrology apps I was really feeling at the time as well.
This week I introduced the Stardew Diaries series I had just started, a free at-home cozy shopping experience, my first outfit I intentionally (and excitedly) put together in MONTHS (maybe in a couple of years, honestly) since the passing of my mom, and enjoying the process of learning how to draw in a new way!
Here’s a snippet of links I shared of classes I was taking that were helping me learn more drawing skills:
First this class on storytelling with portraits (especially her cheatsheets!).
From sketches to comics (only half, so I could revisit the above to get more detail for designing my character).
Up next, color theory, more character design classes, and a class on copying art to better your own.
One day really left its anxiety-fueled mark on me this week, because even though I felt confident about going all in on my newsletter, my dad casually talking about me working at the company he works at made me spiral.
Yikes.
I also talked about mentally preparing to return to IG stories, getting back into learning how to drive, attempting to set personal boundaries for a healthier life (and better outcomes for the near future version of myself), and finding Reddit spaces where you can talk to stand-in moms or dads.
Shared a couple of bonuses as well! Like snacks I was loving (most from Trader Joe’s), and an interview that really touched me that was hosted right here on Substack.
Documented my grandma’s stay with us during Memorial Day weekend, my favorite part about her stay, and announcing that I was ending the Stardew Diaries series.
Just too much tedious work! When I put the game down, I wanna be able to put it down and move on to the next task. Plus, I’m prioritizing drawing more.
Something else may come in its place though, but I’m still working on it.
I got my first annual paid subscriber! And we also chatted about killing intimacy by avoiding conflict (a podcast episode by Africa Brooke), mine and my mom’s favorite Crumbl cookie that was available at the time, and the impact of small upgrades in your life.
A rocky start being back on IG this week! I shared how we should choose to push past discomfort when starting something new (and gave some examples currently applying to my life).
Also, thanks to being back on Instagram, I discovered a gaming group therapy platform that sounds so cool!
Wanted to also share thoughts on an older woman marrying herself and how sweet the sentiment was, and a quick bonus chat and prompts on sacrifices, intention, and intuition.
It was my brother’s birthday this week! I talked about how different things were this time for our birthday with both my mom and grandpa being gone.
It was bittersweet, but mostly a really fun, and cherished good time. 🙂
I also attended a wedding during the week of a friend from college that I hadn’t seen in seven years! And the person who picked me up? A friend I chatted with more often but also hadn’t seen in just as long!
It was so nice, it was lovely to reunite, and to meet so many new people.
This week I also shared a new Substack discovery that started with a photo essay–something I personally had never seen done before!
And it was really good!
An animator I love watching shared his thoughts on the Bluey kid’s show (if you’ve seen Bluey or not, it’s a great piece of media to watch to convience you to watch it for the first time, or to watch it again as soon as the video’s over).
And… I had a pretty long spiel about manifestation and dismantling a common thought on what we “should” be aiming for as our goals, and what people are learning is the better option instead.
On a hunt for the perfect romance novel to scratch a particular romantic itch of mine, writing three pages in my journal for the first time in a LONG time (my hand cramps up after a few sentences), and caving on the journaling splurges I wanted–haha!
I finished listening to Untamed, and it made me wanna start a book club just so I could force the book onto more people. A MUST read toward your journey of learning how to trust yourself and your desires for a better life and society.
I fell in love with a quirky home (which includes an art wall for her pets!), and shared my first comic I drew and posted to IG. (It’s about that feeling when you get answers right on Jeopardy.)
It’s the final Friday Reflection recap! Picture it: the end of June. I’m mentioning this exact series, finding a satisfying romance book (written about an asexual Black woman!), and my updated Goodreads account.
I found out that the OG Mirrorkat Manor series is on Amazon Prime (and how that made a big impact in my life, and even hit big news outlets when tragedy struck on the show). And… Rainwater.
It’s magical for plants apparently! So much new growth that wasn’t happening until we switched from tap (dad) and distilled (me).
Obviously, future versions of this series will have a much shorter recap section since I just updated you on all the Friday Reflections from its beginning til now.
Thanks for hanging in there! Let’s keep going to the rest of the goodies. 🙂
Honorable mentions
Here’s some thoughts and things that didn’t make it into Friday Reflections, but still deserved a shoutout!
ONE: Guinea pigs eating watermelon
I caught myself with a warm and goofy smile as I watched, knowing there’s a tiny sliver of the world where this actually exists.
TWO: SALT & PEPPER TOFU TWIST
This recipe turned out SO. GOOD.
Boiling your tofu in salted water? Genius. The only tweak I made was no egg, just double-fried it.
I’m also a sweet-lover and wanted to use different seasonings so for the spice mix instead of white pepper and salt, I mixed a little salt into white sugar (let’s say a tablespoon of sugar and a quarter teaspoon of salt), and Chinese five spice.
And chili flakes instead of the hot pepper he used.
Can’t wait to have it again!
THREE: Scalp flake destroyer discovery
I went to a new barber in June and not only was she absolutely lovely and did a great job (I love saying that I now look like a vampy peanut!), but she showed me a product to help with a dry patch I only had on and near my widow’s peak.
She rubbed some type of salve on the area and it was gone! After that, she grabbed her stash to show me, I took a picture and immediately ordered it off Amazon (they’re not at every beauty supply store and I needed more of that ASAP!).
I ended up buying the jarred scalp and skin treatment, and the shampoo. They don’t smell the best… but the jarred product is tolerable! The shampoo? I was concerned at first. It came out dark brown with specs and I guess that’s normal from what I read. But it 100% smells like you’re standing over a smoky BBQ grill filled with cured meats.
SO odd, but I don’t think you have to use the shampoo forever? This last time I used it the smell eventually went away. I dunno you’re gonna have to play with it but it does work! It’s been the only thing that’s worked for me so far.
FOUR: Best HF Meal YET!
Barramundi was first introduced to me in a HelloFresh meal that included roasted carrots, couscous, and a chimichurri-like sauce and I was OBSESSED until…
I order the Tropical Sunset Barramundi meal from them.
Oh… My gosh.
Coconut rice, pineapple scallion salsa, lime zest carrots, and a skin-seared piece of barramundi with a coconut milk sweet chili sauce and whooooo…
SO good!
FIVE: Are you Doming?
Thought this was interesting and loved the way this trainer/powerlifter/nutritionist approached it (her demeanor overall was so great!).
Doming is something your stomach can naturally do when you try to exercise it (mine does it) and she tells you it’s harmless, but if you wanna get more out of your workout (and why one little tweak can strengthen certain muscles and why that can be helpful) and I was all on-board!
Genuinely happy that it was in my YouTube recommendations.
SIX: My go-to frozen brussel sprout recipe
I can’t find the recipe I loosely followed, but here’s the gist:
A pack of frozen brussel sprouts cut in half and thawed (or the portion you’re wanting to eat)
Spread on parchment paper, drizzle with a little olive oil, add salt and pepper, toss, then spread out so there’s space in-between most brussels
Put in air fryer2 at 400 degrees, for about 12 minutes and toss toward its last three minutes or so
While it’s cooking, mix equal parts honey and balsamic vinegar together with a little salted butter (I dunno how much just an eyeballed small pat or nibblet… WAY less than either the honey or balsamic vinegar), a pinch of red pepper flakes (if you want a little heat!) in a microwavable bowl, and heat for like… 45 seconds or a minute or until it begins to bubble
Once the outer leave begin to brown and get crispy, and the inner part begins charring a bit too, you can take them out, toss them in the sauce, and serve (or devour!) immediately
Let me know if you try this vague recipe!
SEVEN: Yogo duo
Movement is something I always forget about trying when I’m feeling stale and stagnant but the one time I remembered, I found this dynamic duo that did a gratitude flow and I fell in love with them and the session immediately!
EIGHT: Invisible belts
I dunno why I’ve struggled to word this part but I’m just gonna give it to you straight: I needed new belts, I discovered these belts (not an affiliate link) that don’t buldge when you wear them and decide to leave your shirt untucked, and they’re adjustable.
They’re not flashy or the most stylish, and I don’t mind that at all! They have A LOT of combinations to choose from, they keep my pants up, and they’re very sleek and discreet.
That’s all I could ever ask for in a belt!
NINE: Aeerie Loungewear
So many people including friends have mentioned how good Aaerie loungewear is and I finally grabbed me some pieces to wear during the day and they’re really nice!
But the offline yoga pants were buttery soft like oh my GOSH!
I’ma need more of those!!
TEN: Story of Seasons: A Wonderful Life
When I heard last year that Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life was getting remade for the Switch (it was originally on the Gamecube), I knew I was finally buying a Switch solely for that game.
Nine months later and I have it!! All the music and sound effects bring back such nostalgia! It’s called Story of Seasons: A Wonderful Life, but it’s still a great, chill play (and no, it’s not Stardew Valley. Totally different vibe that’s intentional).
I hope you enjoyed this first installment of Coffee Date Digest! It’s a sampling of what’s to come once a month (but QUITE a bit briefer), and future installments will be for paid subscribers.
Some sections may change or improve, we’ll see what you have to say and if any more ideas come into my head for this series. :)
Thanks so much for reading and I’ll see you soon!
Though I wondered through a lot of the story how “lucky” would someone get if they lived in the midwest and if they were more introverted or a homebody. Hmmm.
I have a Ninja Foodi air fryer, remember! All air fryers “fry” differently.
Hi Cierra, you certainly have a lot on your plate! Thanks for your updates and your open heart. I know you will find clues as you unpackage your special self. I am a young, old person and the journey is no shorter! There are a ton of things to learn, not only of ourselves but what keys others may have for us, and us for them. Give yourself grace. Appeciate tagging along and enjoy that fun food!
"It can be hard sometimes though. At the end of June, I started getting a bit despair-y again. I think about the future and wonder, “what’s the point? What should I ‘want’?”
I lost my job at the beginning of June and am in the midst of appealing a reinstatement of my financial aid for school. I have spent the bulk of June in this same despair.
But I am still here.
I am going to journal today, with your post as my north star. Thank you 🙏🏻