Well that changes things...

Death'll do that to ya.

Hey there.

Nothing flowery and too structured this week.

I had a piece I was working on at the hospital, but kinda lost interest (in that, and nearly everything else) once my mom died there December 9th.

It’s been interesting to naviagte. I’ve been observing myself and others during this time and of course, the one and only thing I wanted to do was write about what I was experiencing as soon as she passed.

So I’ve made audio diaries and written posts in Google Docs, and made a new Substack publication.

It’s public, but I haven’t shared it because it’s mainly just for me to document and express losing both my mom and the nearly 8-year role as her full-time caregiver.

The publication’s name is clever though! May use it on the YouTube channel I always wanted to make but couldn’t keep consistently cause of caregiving.

Anyway, I did wanna share with you an article I stumbled on that explains exactly how I’ve been feeling since mom’s passing.

Cause I thought I was weird for truly just feeling relieved that she’s no longer suffering.

Not in a coping mechanism type of way… I truly am glad it’s over for her, and for us.

She’s free now, thank God.

So here’s the Washington Post article I was referring to, and I’m thinking of making a list of excerpts from it that made me feel SO seen in my other publication.

I’ll get back to my regularly scheduled program soon enough. And that may include some old writings now from what I now think is my anticipatory grief stages and (somewhat accurate?) predictions on how I was gonna react to the day I lost mom.

We’ll see! I was reading through a few old writings at 5am as well as that Washington Post article and am trying to piece together a way to organize it and figure out what goes where.

We’ll see, we’ll see.

Well, see ya next week! We’ve got accounts to close, appointments to end, and a funeral to attend.

Later.