Learning to say, "no."

A practice in real-time by a people-pleaser

Typically when I feel a little discomfort with an intentional change I’m trying to make in my life, I’m somewhat excited because I know I’m stretching myself into a new version of myself.

Growing pains, you know?

But during a day off from work when I was preparing to prep some food for the week ahead of early morning shifts, bake banana bread for my family before the bananas weren’t salvageable, and lay down early because I was feeling a bit tired and drained… my manager texted to ask if I could come in for a closing shift on my day off because someone called in sick.

I stared at that text message for the longest. Immediately I wanted to drop everything I was doing and go to help. I mean, I have gone in when asked before. Especially because I work with a great crew, have an easy and fun job, and deal with great customers.

Growing pains, you know?

But during a day off from work when I was preparing to prep some food for the week ahead of early morning shifts, bake banana bread for my family before the bananas weren’t salvageable, and lay down early because I was feeling a bit tired and drained… my manager texted to ask if I could come in for a closing shift on my day off because someone called in sick.

I stared at that text message for the longest. Immediately I wanted to drop everything I was doing and go to help. I mean, I have gone in when asked before. Especially because I work with a great crew, have an easy and fun job, and deal with great customers.

A co-worker made us breakfast and took over my spot so I could eat it 😭

But I also was really tired, and wanted to start my week off on the right foot…

Deep down, I wanted to stay home. So after talking with my dad, I typed up a quick message saying I couldn’t come in, and sent it with a literal, vocalized yelp of pain.¹

I couldn’t believe how much resistance I felt telling my job no! And how many scenarios my mind raced with about my decision:

I’m gonna come into work tomorrow and they’re going to give me the cold shoulder!

They’re gonna sabotage me at work because of this!

 They’ll punish me by giving me my least favorite shifts!

What if they can’t find help for the night? I’d hate if someone didn’t come in to help me…*

*That last scenario is so valid.

But eventually, I went from feeling guilty for not going in, to being proud of myself for doing what was best for me. And on top of that, it became a new motivator for me as well:

When I can’t or choose not to take on a shift because I need to take care of things or myself, I keep track of the time of that shift and see how effectively I use my time during the hours of that shift.

It feels really good to end the day thinking, “Instead of being confined to focusing on only work at the store for 7 hours, I prepped breakfast for two days, rice for future dinners and lunches for the week, made banana bread, and started updating my planner and time management system! Wow!”

It feels really, really good to look back on all you’ve accomplished during the time when you would’ve been at a work shift! Anything you’ve done to make your life better, easier, or get you one step closer (or more!) to your goals.

Even if you decided to take a nap, YOU GOT TO TAKE A NAP!

And that can be meaningful work as well.

Using your free time during the day to listen to your body, and restore it, replenish it, and give it what it’s yearning for is important. So do it on your days off!

I’m preaching all of this to you now, but what do you think I did when I was asked to come in for a shift this morning cause someone called off?

Did I stick to my guns and say, “no”? Did I need to this time?