Switching Gears for the New Year?
The pressure's on... and off.
Hey-o!
I didn’t wanna miss another week of posting, but I’ve been really struggling to get back to the A-Z gratitude list I was outlining back in November.
A lot of things on that list changed once my mom died; they were like convenient things that were helpful as a caregiver, and since I no longer am a caregiver I’ve kinda lost momentum to write it with that fact looming over my head and the passion to expand on those now gone.
I’ve been leaning into my Human Design1 lately to make decisions day by day. Especially as I feel a bit vulnerable to external influences and this idea I have in my head that I need to prove to others how hard I was trying to become someone while I was caregiving for my mom.
It feels like I have no more “excuses”, and people are asking me “what’s next?” and are offering to help me with my next steps career-wise and life-wise…
But I’m trying really hard not to feel pressured to hastily make decisions for my life now that the world is my oyster and time is all mine (for now).
Plus, my loved ones say the same after offering to help me move forward in life: take your time, don’t rush.
I’m literally starting the new year with the privilege of absolute freedom to pursue whatever I want, and it’s overwhelming!
So I’m working really hard right now to slow down, tune the voices out, and listen to my gut2 on what to do next. And to take my time if need be.
One thing I have been doing pretty consistently has been writing.
Even if posting has slowed down again here, I have been slowly publishing writings I’ve been doing around life after losing my mom and caregiving role.
I have a Google Doc folder filled with observations, poetic words, confessions, and reflections. I’m gonna share it with small, intimate audiences I trust first once I’m caught up publishing the ones I’m more comfortable making public.
And I honestly may switch gears to that Substack for the time being if it gets positive feedback.
Writing’s what I’ve been excited to do, and honestly one of the only things I’ve wanted to do since mom passed.
Life is full of surprises; we’ll see where it takes me next.
I hope everyone continues to have a wonderful holiday! Take care of yourself, Happy New Year, and I’ll hopefully see you in the new year. ♥
Specifically focusing on my undefined ego center. I mention it in the post above, but this idea that I need to prove myself and my value comes from my design and I’m working to stay in the wisdom of my undefined ego of knowing what true value is and working from that.
My “gut”, specifically, in Human Design is my emotional authority. I’m a generator so my sacral is defined so I get the “heck yeah!” gut instinct, but I’m meant to wait before making decisions. Based on my past of just jumping into things without waiting for more certainty, I can say that definitely checks out for me. Hehe…