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He may not have said “bye” to me when I left the blindfolded speed dating event, but he reached out to me later that night.
He sent me meme after meme, some being things he mentioned during our conversation earlier that night. Eventually, we decided to hang out at the mall’s arcade that upcoming Sunday since I would be out of town most of that weekend. It was my idea, and he was somewhat excited about the pitch because he hadn’t played games since high school. So, the date was set.
When that Sunday came, I put on my oversized mustard yellow sweatshirt I wear too often, and a pair of comfy skinny jeans. I grabbed my purse and Kindle, and headed out to the mall.
He came on time (I got there a little early thanks to my anxiety around punctuality), and I popped up from the bench outside the arcade to greet him.
We fell into playful banter as we rapidly flung silver balls around pinball machines, and raced each other on F-Zero spaceships. But when we made our rounds inside the arcade, we extended our hang out by walking around the entire mall.
It still didn’t feel like enough, so we decided to head outside the mall. And we’d only take one car since we weren’t straying too far.
We decided on his car. Was it safe? I decided it was time I tested my intuition. Something I felt my mom never thought I had the capability of doing. I wanted to see if I could try to get a good read on him, and ultimately? I felt he was safe enough to ride with. So we drove to an international grocery store and grabbed Korean corndogs, looked around, and then he drove me to this tiny Asian grocery store a couple blocks away I had always seen, but never got a chance to go to.
We ended the hang out with him driving me back to my car, and we chatted about his upcoming trip to Japan the following week.
And that strung into a kiss. Several kisses, actually!
We left it at that, and I went to my car as he drove away. But even though the date ended on such a positive note, I knew I needed to get something off my chest…
My asexuality, and being childfree by choice. Both have a high chance of halting this—and any romantic interactions I’d have—in its tracks, but it’s a huge part of me. I couldn’t ignore it and expect a happily ever after when I was abandoning myself in the process.
We continued into the night texting each other memes and recapping the date we’d just had. I knew the two usual deal-breakers had to come up; they were weighing heavily on me. Especially knowing he would be heading to Japan later that upcoming week for three whole weeks!
“I have something important to tell you…” I began.
I told him about being childfree by choice first, and he told me he was 70% kid-curious. He went into a long, passionate monologue explaining all the ways having a kid could change his life and challenge him in the best way.
I told him about being asexual and he asked, “What does that mean to you?”
Surprised my sexuality was handled with such tact1, I went on to explain what I need and don’t need within a relationship.
And in return, he told me he was very sexual.
He then exclaimed, “Bummer! I guess we’re just not compatible!” and I knew it was over, but I didn’t want it to be.
I didn’t want who I am to be the constant end of potentially great things, even if that meant no longer pursuing something romantic like initially intended.
But he told me we’re all different and it was what made the world go round. And I’d find someone right for me and my asexual, childfree self.
I let out a BIG skeptical, “pfffft!” at that.
I was irritated and frustrated. Of course he could say that. He’s typical! He’s the norm! He could have anyone he wanted.
Naive hope that we’d be able to remain friends gripped at me–he was such a cool and chill guy! But I had a feeling deep at my core that I’d hear less and less from him.
And ultimately, that was the case.
But that taste of one-on-one companionship and intimacy both during the date and the speed dating event left me craving more. So like a romance-lover hunting for their next racy five-star read, I went in search of that delicious thrill again.
Paid subbies! I’ve sent you the poem I wrote in my notes app about what bubbled up from the kisses on this date! Be sure to check it out. :)
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I’m used to what I dealt with in college a decade before. Condescending tones, being told I’m broken, and being treated like an emotionless android.
I'm sorry to see it didn't work out, but I do give him points for being honest and not trying to trick you into a relationship you wouldn't want. Much love.